


never to be remembered

by undercardboardstars



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Episode: s04e12-13 The Sword in the Stone, M/M, Pining Merlin (Merlin), Simpleton Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26558662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undercardboardstars/pseuds/undercardboardstars
Summary: This is a missing scene between Merlin and simpleton!Arthur, at the night before Arthur wakes and forgets everything while under the enchantment.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61
Collections: Merlin Canon 2020





	never to be remembered

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to V for the beta! all remaining mistakes are mine.

Merlin kept Arthur by his side at all times so as not to cause any more trouble with the smugglers. Arthur dutifully carried most of the firewood Merlin collected around the forest, but he kept getting in the way of arranging them properly for a bonfire, so Merlin did it himself while Arthur stood a few steps away, watching him curiously. 

As he’s about to light a fire, Merlin paused. He considered lighting the fire right then and there, but he didn’t want to risk it either, despite being fairly sure that Arthur will remember nothing after the enchantment wears off.

“Arthur?”

“Yes?” Arthur looked at him, alert.

Merlin pointed behind Arthur. “Look out.”

Arthur’s head spun, and he leaned slightly closer to Merlin. “What is it?” Merlin casted the spell silently, eyes glowing gold and the fire burning bigger at once. “What are you talking about?” Arthur exclaimed, turning back to him.

“I thought I saw something in the woods. It’s probably nothing,” Merlin lied, shrugging.

“Oh,” Arthur said, face scrunching up in confusion. He turned around again to inspect the woods some more. 

Merlin smiled at him fondly. He put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “Come on, Arthur.”

\---

As the night wore on, darkness surrounded them while the moon was out of sight, and the trees seemed thicker and loomed above them. Merlin and Arthur huddled close to their bonfire while eating their food in companionable silence. In his enchanted state, Arthur was mostly silent. It’s been a while since Merlin sat together with Arthur without insults being thrown at him. On the contrary, Arthur displayed exceptional basic manners as he said “please,” and “thank you" to Merlin. As harried as Merlin was over the events of the day, this behavior was jarring for Merlin, albeit in a good way.

Even more so, he wouldn’t have thought his king would say such kind words as he had earlier.

_ “Sorry to have been a disappointment, Merlin. I’ll try harder in future.” _

He would miss this. He knew he would need the normal Arthur back, but he couldn’t help relishing in this kind and polite Arthur.

As Merlin instructed, Arthur stood up holding their dishes and left to wash them, as well as tend the horses. Merlin snorted as Arthur tripped, and as he waited for Arthur to finish, he lied down with his arms over his head, smirking.

It’s surreal to not have to do some of the chores for once. Especially to have  _ Arthur _ do them. He knew he should feel guilty for doing this - well, first and foremost for enchanting him; he doubted Arthur would forgive him if he found out - but he knew Arthur won't remember any of this anyway.

Merlin frowned, his heart sinking. No matter how much he appreciated Arthur's promises earlier, he reminded himself that Arthur would have no idea he ever uttered such words. It’s a bit sad, really. But it stung more that he had to cast an enchantment on Arthur just to make him leave the damn castle.

Still, Merlin was aware that this wasn’t the first time he used magic on him. Over the years, in all of Arthur's near-death experiences, Merlin always tried healing Arthur with his magic, mostly to no avail. It was annoying how weak he was with healing magic.

But this one was different. Casting an enchantment to have almost full control of Arthur? He would kill Merlin if he ever found out. This was just one of the many questionable things he did with magic to protect Arthur.

Merlin thought it was for his own good. Though his stomach churned with guilt all the same.

Merlin heard a horse neigh and he looked towards the direction of the sound to see Arthur attempting to feed it. He chuckled, despite the nagging guilt. In a way, Merlin had given himself a day-off from Arthur, with the king being completely oblivious about it.

Lost in his thoughts, Merlin startled as he heard footsteps approach, and he relaxed knowing it was Arthur’s. When Arthur came into view, on instinct, he stood up to fix their makeshift bedrolls (which really were just two thick blankets) shared with them by Tristan.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked.

“I'm fixing your bed for the night, dollophead.” He looked up to see Arthur staring at him in confusion, and he smiled, amused. At least he could call the king anything from his long list of potentially insulting nicknames and not get threatened for it.

Before Arthur could reply, Merlin finished his work and stood up. "All yours."

Merlin fixed his own sleeping area, and lied down, facing up. He could see Arthur out of the corner of his eye, taking on various sleeping positions as he tried to secure a comfortable spot. Eventually, Arthur lied still on his side and Merlin relaxed, closing his eyes.

Merlin could feel the exhaustion deep in his bones, but he still found it difficult to sleep since the day's events kept flashing through his mind - about Gwaine calling out that Camelot's under attack, and Morgana's soldiers surging through the castle corridors. He thought about Elyan and Percival, lost in the fray as they were about to escape with their king. About Gwaine and Gaius back in the castle - oh  _ no _ , Gaius…

Merlin’s heart ached. He didn’t want to imagine what Morgana could possibly do to them. To all of their friends who swore over and over again their allegiance to their king. Merlin wished it didn’t have to be this way. He could have helped them. He  _ knows _ he could.

If only he had a way to convince Arthur earlier about the goodness of magic. Time and time again, his hopes of Arthur believing that magic can be a force for good dwindled with every attempt he does to make him see the good in it. To his credit, Arthur took steps in that direction when he declared to the spirit of the druid boy that he would no longer attack the druids. Still, it wasn’t enough given the laws on the ban of magic still in place. But given what Arthur believed happened to his parents, and how Morgana turned out to be, it would take a lot more than that to convince him otherwise. 

Merlin knows this, but he couldn’t help feeling tired. He’s tired of having to hide himself from Arthur, or from anyone. He’s tired of watching others die and sacrifice themselves because he couldn’t risk revealing himself. He’s so terribly tired of the burden he’s carrying because of what he and Arthur were destined to do.

Merlin felt tears streaming down his face, and uncontrollably, he hitched a breath. He put his arm over his eyes to hide his tears from Arthur in case he woke up and saw him. He heard movement from Arthur's side.

"Merlin?"

Merlin couldn’t answer, and it was too late - he couldn’t stifle his ragged breaths as he continued crying. He heard more movement followed by footsteps approaching him. He heard Arthur sit next to him.

"Merlin, what’s wrong?"

Merlin felt Arthur's hand on his shoulder. Merlin sat up, facing away from Arthur as he wiped away his tears. Arthur dropped his hand, and Merlin missed his touch almost immediately.

"I'm fine, Arthur. Come on, go back to sleep," Merlin said hoarsely.

When Merlin faced him, he saw Arthur’s expression full of concern.

Merlin cleared his throat and said quietly, "I'm sorry for waking you, sire.”

When Arthur didn't budge, Merlin nudged his shoulder, almost teasing. "I didn't know you could be so worried about me."

"You're my friend, Merlin. Of course I'm worried about you," Arthur said.

Merlin stared at him. He's unsure if the normal Arthur bleeds through this simpleton Arthur, or if this enchanted Arthur simply meant it given the day's events. Merlin was once again taken aback, but this time, it was coupled with longing. Longing for Arthur to see through him and know who he really was. Longing for Arthur to accept whatever he may find there.

Merlin shook his head, saying, "Yeah, of course you are. You're my friend, too. Though it could be confusing sometimes by the way you kept hitting me."

Arthur gaped. "I hit you?"

"A _l_ _ ot _ , " Merlin said, resisting the urge to break into a smile.

Arthur furrowed his brows further. "I'm sorry, Merlin. I'm really going to make it right by you in future."

Arthur apologizing twice in the same night? Who would have thought?

Merlin smiled. "Go on, Arthur. Back to sleep. It'll be a long day ahead tomorrow."

Merlin was about to settle back down on his blanket when Arthur reached out and touched his arm. Merlin looked up, questioning.

"Arthur?"

Gently, Arthur pulled Merlin towards him and put his arms around Merlin. He froze.

Arthur simply sat there, hugging Merlin fiercely. Merlin knew that Arthur cared about him in his own way, but never to the extent of physically expressing it like this. Though this wasn't the usual Arthur, now was it?

Eventually he hugged back tight, as if holding on for dear life.  _ This is okay _ , he thought. Arthur wouldn’t remember this tomorrow, anyway. So, he yielded into Arthur’s embrace as tears welled up his eyes again.

He’s always wanted Arthur to hold him like this. Never in his wildest dreams would he imagine Arthur embracing him this way - fierce and protective. That he would be able to soothe Merlin's fears and despair as he keeps holding him. That he's allowing Merlin to be vulnerable without judgment. That by holding him like this, Arthur’s reassuring him that things would be okay.

A while later, Merlin’s sobs receded and Arthur was the first one to let go. Merlin felt stung at the loss of contact. Without thinking, Merlin held Arthur’s hand. Arthur didn’t pull away.

They ended up sleeping side by side, facing one another, hands still clasped between them. Arthur still looked worried, but less so now that Merlin has visibly calmed down.

"Good night, my lord," Merlin said softly.

"You too, Merlin," Arthur replied, and squeezed his hand.

Merlin's heart clenched as he squeezed back.  _ Just for tonight _ , he thought fiercely. Let me be selfish just this once before facing the world.

Merlin shuffled nearer to Arthur, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Arthur smiled at him so fondly that Merlin almost forgot that he was still under the enchantment. Tears threatened to spill out again, but he managed to keep them at bay. "Sleep well, Arthur," Merlin said shakily.

Arthur nodded and squeezed Merlin's hand again before closing his eyes. His breathing eventually evened out, with Merlin still awake.

Merlin focused on the feeling of Arthur's hand still on his. This was as close as he could get to living his fantasy of being with Arthur. In some sick twist of fate, Arthur was right here, holding his hand, and Merlin could almost think that Arthur was his as he’s always been Arthur’s. That Arthur also felt for him as he’s always had several years’ past.

As much as he loves Arthur, Merlin knows they could never be together. Gwen was always Arthur’s, and no matter how much Arthur denies it, he has always been Gwen’s. As it should be. 

Merlin sighed, his heart aching but also feeling resigned. Tomorrow, he would have to pretend none of this ever happened. He was a bit envious of Arthur for not having the need to do so. He'll take whatever he can, though. If this is what fate has decided to bring upon him, as cruel as it was, then so be it.

"You mean so much to me, Arthur. More than you could ever know,” Merlin whispered sorrowfully. 

He squeezed Arthur’s hand one last time and let go. He thought of Arthur, to whom his mind always drifted towards, as sleep claimed him.


End file.
